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The truth is, many men are bi-curious, and being in an open relationship can be the perfect way to explore sex with people of different gender identities.
Personally, I’ve always felt that being non-monogamous is as innate a part of me as being queer. I have some friends who were dirty cheaters before they found ethical poly, and some people who have been poly since they were teenagers.
I’m positive there are many poly guys who would like to play with other men but hold themselves back because of toxic masculinity stereotypes.
Meanwhile, queer communities have been pioneering non-monogamy for decades, with all kinds of fluid permutations.
You might think of monogamy as an off-the-rack garment, while polyamory is a bespoke suit that you design yourself!
Since you customized this relationship, a transgression is just as (if not more) hurtful as it would be if you were monogamous.
For example, you might feel compersion that your partner is going on vacation with their other partner, instead of jealous or envious or resentful.
I tend to react to my own feelings of jealousy by asking myself what’s behind that emotion: It’s usually something like fear of inadequacy, or yearning to be special.
After all, one of the benefits of poly is for each partner to have separate interests; if you’re too close to your metamour, your partner’s relationship with them may not feel like a separate space anymore.Every poly person has personal preferences and tastes just like monogamous people do.